January 20th, 2000 misinformer.com's Vegas Vacation Chapter 4: The Thrilling Conclusion By Marcus and Caster It is now 10:30 PM on January 21. We've been writing this feature together for about eighteen consecutive hours. Myself and Mr. Caster have just about as much interest in it at this point as you do, I assure you. If there was a peanut of comedy that initially existed at the center of this adventure, it is now buried beneath layer after layer of boring verbose nougat in the giant literary Snickers bar gone berserk that this feature has turned out to be. It is for this reason that we promise, with the Prophets of Bajor as our witness, we will pull out all the stops to make this chapter the most mind-bogglingly thrilling Internet tour de force that you have ever experienced. Okay, how about if we just promise to keep it short? By this point in the Experience, Caster and I had stopped by Quark's Bar for lunch. We ordered, and I swear I'm not making this up, the Wrap of Kahn, and the BB-Q Continuum Pizza. We also split a smoking, fishbowl-sized, rum-based beverage known as the "Warp Core Breach," which the menu accurately describes as a "drink guaranteed to separate your saucer section!" Staggering back onto the Promenade Deck, we each showed our inebriation in our own unique ways. Part 1: Marcus harasses an innocent gift shop clerk The covert tape of this actually turned out good enough to post. I guess I was tired of interviewing, so I just decided to harass this poor guy for no reason. Maybe it was funnier if you were there. I was, and I think it's a hoot. I'm such an ass. Download darthshirt.mp3 (904 KB) (If clicking won't download the file, try right clicking and selecting "Save link as" or "Save target as".) Part 2: Caster gets in the Klingon's face Now if you're like Caster, when he mentioned yesterday that the motion simulator ride is based on a Klingon attack on the Enterprise D, you were irate over the obvious plot hole that this presents. As he was quick to point out, by the Next Generation phase of the Star Trek timeline, the Klingons were no longer enemies of the Federation. Jeez Louise, if you thought he was picky about the scale of the models, you should have heard him attack that Klingon in a drunken rage... Caster: Hey! We just went on that "mission" you spoke of before! Klingon: Yes? Caster: We were attacked by Klingons! Klingon: Ohhhh, how unfortunate. Caster: What's up with that?! Klingon: (Rolling her eyes... not again...) The incident is... well noted on the station. Caster: By this point in the timeline the Klingons are supposed to be the Federation's allies! Klingon: Officially yes, but there are still a few... factions... that don't adhere to official policies. Caster: But the way Riker made it sound, he made it sound like all Klingons were enemies! Klingon: You must have missed something important in the wording that Commander Riker used. Caster: What, I missed something in the brilliant dramatic subtext of the "run from the scary Klingons" video? Klingon: There is no subtext in the word "renegade." Caster: Oh, so this is supposed to be an isolated incident. That's weak. Totally weak. Do you get a lot of little kids coming off the ride and kicking you in your shins because they now perceive your people as their mortal enemies? Klingon: (Laughing) No, fortunately most Earth children are not that bold. They usually hide behind their parents' knees and whimper when they see a Klingon. Caster: Hide and whimper! I'll show you who hides and whimpers you forehead ridged freak! Aaaahhhrrggg! At this point Caster and I were forcibly ejected from the casino by uncharacteristically twentieth-century security guards. Caster swore that they had broken one of his legs, but it turned out that he had just temporarily forgotten how to walk. At any rate, when all is said and done, Star Trek: The Experience is not to be missed by any Trekkie, or anyone who can freeload off of a Trekkie desperate to go to Vegas. But next time maybe we'll just stick to the James Tea Kirk. < Back     All content © 1999-2007 misinformer.com.   How was that for brief?