Did you ever notice how when a movie comes out there's all kinds of stuff to buy that goes with it? What's the deal with that? Like it's not enough to just go and see the movie? You've also got to buy Darth Maul shaped macaroni and cheese? Well, that was actually pretty cool, but sometimes the big movie studios just go too far with this marketing stuff. I mean, what's next? I'll bet it won't be long before we start seeing items like these on the grocery store shelves...
misinformer.com's movie promo predictions
By Caster
Hollywood Pictures and Coca-Cola
Hoping to repeat the paranormal beverage success story of The Real Ghostbusters' "Ecto Cooler," the Coca-Cola company will introduce a new fruit juice flavor based on the supernatural thriller The Sixth Sense called Hi-C Dead People. When asked how they like the raspberry kiwi blend, kids will respond, "The refreshing fruit flavors... they don't see each other... they only see what they want to see... they don't know that they're juice..."
Paramount Pictures and Kraft Foods
If you couldn't get enough of Tom Cruise hamming it up for the cameras in this summer's Mission Impossible II, then you'll love chowing down on the miniature ham like discs in each package of Oscar Mayer's Mission: Lunchables. Each package will come with a choice of deserts, including the tasty Chimera Chip Cookies or Thandie Fig Newtons. Eat it fast! This lunch will self destruct in 10 seconds!
20th Century Fox and Van Melle
Everybody's favorite mutants will clash with everybody's favorite brainstorm inducing, luck enhancing mint candies of the 80s with the introduction of special edition X-Mentos. Each roll will be guaranteed to induce an uncanny freshmade mutation, allowing the eater to use superhuman strength to parallel park their cars, manipulate their own cellular structure to pass through a limousine, or sneak into a rock concert by slashing the security guards to ribbons with retractable adamantium claws.
Universal Pictures and Tidy Cat
It seems like the only character Eddie Murphy didn't play in The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps was the family cat! Okay, maybe they didn't have a cat. I admit, I didn't actually see the movie. At any rate, I figure there must have been a cat, or else there's no apparent rationale behind the future release of Tidy Cat's first movie promo cat litter, The Nutty Professor II: The Clumps. This very stupid cat litter will feature the latest in scientific feline waste disposal chemistry, including odor control for multiple cats (played by the same cat), and of course, fast clumping action for easy cleaning. As Papa Klump says, "This is some SCARY SHIT!"
Colombia Pictures and Keebler Foods
When asked how the child friendly Keebler Elves got mixed up in a promotion for Hollow Man, a movie based around an invisible murder and rape spree, Keebler spokesman, E.L. Fudge will chuckle, "We were a perfect choice for this project! Why, we've been making delicious cookies, crackers, and snacks disappear for years!" To help bolster the flagging success of this cornball suspense thriller, Keebler will be introducing a new flavor of transparent cheese crackers entitled Hollow Tree. A disembodied voice adds, "It's amazing what you can do magically in a hollow tree when you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror anymore."
