Look...
other comedy sites provide you with comedy you've already seen, and
can costs hundreds, or even thousands of dollars!!! But not misinformer.com.
What would you expect to pay for all this humor? 10 dollars? 10,000
dollars? If you read now, you can get all this excitement for free!
That's right, free, just like always. As an added incentive, you get
all the good humor in the archives at NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE! Keep reading
for an infomercial that isn't on the late-night magic picture box
yet, but should be. And we're bringing it to you first. NOW what would you expect to pay!?
Zits! How embarrassing! You're
all ready for your big date tonight with Mr. Right, or Ms. Nothalfbad,
and there they are in the mirror. Giant red, swollen, cream-filled,
mountains, all over your nose, cheeks, chin, and forehead. What do you
do? There's no time to waste. You have to think quickly.
You need Pimp-L-Away!
That's right, this revolutionary
miracle wonder works at the sub-dermal level to power away pimples where
they form. But don't take our word for it! Let's meet some victims...
Look,
acne is ugly, and makes you a bad person.
Linda had
been suffering for years with chronic acne, before she was given
a bribe and a sample pack of Pimp-L-Away by one of our paid bait-and-switch
men. It wasn't long before her pimples were melting away, and our
pockets were filling with the money of millions and millions of
satisfied consumers.
Now
you have the power to fight back!!!
"I was ready to
hang myself, and my parents were all for it, too, when I happened
to run into the makers of Pimp-L-Away. They saved my life!
Before Pimp-L-Away, men couldn't stop staring at my acne. I felt
like an object. But now, thanks to the wonders of Pimp-L-Away,
they're back to staring at my breasts!
Thanks Pimp-L-Away!"
So just what IS Pimp-L-Away?
Well, for one thing, it's really difficult to type correctly, but it's
much more than that! Pimp-L-Away is an innovative new way to use microwave
technology, and radioactive isotopes to power away pimples where they
form, sub-dermally. Oh sure, there are facial scrubs, night-time creams,
brown paper bags, and even a full bottle of sleeping pills, but none
of these things cost NEARLY as much as the Pimp-L-Away system!
Let's
take a look inside Pimp-L-Away...
Power comes from the
small crystals of radium (1) in the bottom of each capsule, which
is converted through the Power Grid® (2)
into useable microwaves.
The patented, self-guiding
"micro-bores" (3) tunnel many tiny holes into your face,
or back, locking themselves in place with microscopic barbules.
The circuits are activated
through a transistor that reacts with your own electrolytic body
fluids, such as sweat, blood, or oil - upon penetration of your
skin, the system comes to life!
The pus-like
fluids are drawn through the "Gauntlet" (4) by convection
where they are immediately deposited into the boiler chamber (5).
Here, microwaves heat the white cream to thousands of degrees Kelvin.
As the pressure builds, a micro-circuit-controlled release valve
opens at the appropriate time to release the pus-vapor into the
air, through the "Pus-Nipple®"
(7).
Oh,
dear Lord!
"That's what my
old boyfriend said when he saw me again for the first time. I
had broken out in the worst acne ever recorded. I looked like
a freakin' burn victim. I was so mad that he didn't understand
my pain, but I knew if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd probably
have screamed and run, too.
Now that I have Pimp-L-Away,
we're back together, and I can hold his cowardice over his head
for my own personal gain, and for the rest of his life!"
It's stories like this
that make us, the makers of the Pimp-L-Away system, softly cry
ourselves to sleep at night. We're so proud to have created a
product that's affordable, easy-to-use, and completely portable.
Forget those laser beds that can weight nearly 8,000 lbs. Forget
ugly creams that hide 90% of your skin. Pimp-L-Away gives your
skin anywhere from 80% to 90% visibility, and even though people
are sometimes shocked by the many white pods on your face, at
least they're not horrified by the crusty, pus-laden mounds and
craters that we know as acne.
What a conversational
piece! You'll enjoy hours of explaining what in the world you
have on your face to eager friends and relatives. You'll be the
hit of the party, and you'll have full confidence in yourself
once again! What's more, many people have claimed that the radium
actually invigorates them, and makes them feel "light, and
feathery." Our users report depression, fatigue, and random
blood-venting as a result of going off the system.
So what are you waiting for? Get ON the system today, and by all
means, STAY THERE!
misinformer.com would like
to remind you that we are a distributor of the Pimp-L-Away system, from
the makers of the Home Hypodermic Eye Color-Changing Kit.
The Pimp-L-Away system starts at around $40,000 U.S. for a set of 3
Pimple Pods. More pods-per-order will lower the price-per-pod. Write
us for details.
