November 6th, 2000 This week the mailbag runneth over directly into your collective laps, as we take some time to answer... More Reader Mail By the misinformants Date: Fri, 1 Sep 2000 17:18:44 -0400 From: Sloppy Joe Subject: Student loads hey Marc! Love the website man! It looks awesome! I was developing a concept that u might like...........Having other people paying off your school loans. (Thought u might like it) Here's the plan..... Developing the website.......................... a. having like four people participating in the "challenge" (You, me and Spunky,Gary, and TImb will be competition and represented by thermometer with there name or picture on it, still a little sketchy on that idea) b. People entering the site will have a choice who they want their money to be donated to (by credit card of course) and will be rewarded a free gift. c. Basically thatz what i have so far, let me know what you think? IF u think of any anitdotes that will make paying our college loans on other peoples wallet let me know. Hope you consider the idea, Call or talk to ya later, "Sloppy" Joe God damn it, Joe. You have to take your Ritalin every single day. When I first read this email, I immediately knew that it had a brilliant idea at its core, but it was marred with a few slight imperfections that made it completely retarded. A. "You, me, and Spunky, Gary, and Timb" are at least five people by my count. Not four. Although you do say "like four" and not "exactly four," so I'll let it slide. I think anything within the 2-6 range counts as "like four", and I know how hard it is to get real specific about digits higher than three when you have your entire fist in your mouth. B. Actually, we've instated this part of your plan already. You see, if people go to the store donation center and give us their credit card information, we send them a "free gift" in the form of a shirt, mug, or mousepad. I don't care what the Murder She Wrote lady tells you during PBS pledge drives, if you make a one-hundred dollar donation and get a Nova tote bag, you're not a philanthropist, you're just a really crappy shopper. C. When I read the word "anitodes," I suspected you meant "antidotes." I mean, we all make typos now and then. When I realized that "antidotes" makes no sense within this sentence, I tried "anecdotes." Still no luck. When I realized that when you said "anitodes that will make paying" you actually meant "ways to pay," it all suddenly became clear. You are a dumbass. What do I think of your plan? I think it's a great idea! I mean, if we went through all of the effort of making a thermometer of some sort and everything, why wouldn't people just give us their credit card information for no reason? Let's make it happen. Step 1: (optional) Go to the donation center, make your donation, and pick up your "free gift." Step 2: Choose your favorite student loan payee from our panel of like four, and click "vote" to help lessen his post collegiate financial woes. Marcus Joe SPUNKY Gary Timb When you cast your vote, or just click "view results," you will not only see the thermometers that Joe's steel trap of a brain conceptualized, but you will also be given the opportunity to add your own comments on this whole mess. Thank you Joe. Without your brilliant schemes, I would have been paying for college until I was 70 years old. Now I should be done by next week. You rock. Sincerely, Marcus Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 23:08:24 GMT From: MistyPhone Hotline Call Click the "Real" icon to hear a call from our toll-free, 24 hour, MistyPhone in RealAudio. Uh, I guess I'm really missing the point of, uh, your email address? Uh.. All I really understand here is the "grim" part. I think. Uhhh... See, do you mean "Grimm," like in the fairy tale writer...? And I was kind of wondering, like, is it "grimm657," or maybe "grim657," like the number 657 to you is, sort of, you know, "dark," or maybe, "foreboding." Yeah, so, and also - what's with the 657? Is that your apartment number? I was thinking maybe it was your birthday. I mean, my first guess is that you were born in June of 1957, and I guess my only problem with that is like, that would make you exactly almost 43 years old, and really, when you think about it, I don't KNOW anyone who's exactly almost 43 years old, and still more ass-lickingly retarded than a fucking pot-smoking teenager. Really fella, I mean, I wanna believe that 657 is more like your combined SAT scores, because that would give you about 320 something on Math and Verbal each. I mean, they give you 200 points for just signing your name and not killing anyone during the test, and so that kind of stupidity I can understand coming from someone who doesn't understand anything past basically the only image we put on the page. Should we make it in flipbook form? What exactly are you missing here? Do you have some ass-backwards browser that only shows images? Do we need to do screen-captures of all the archived pages for you and post them as gifs or jpegs? Tell us how WE can better help YOU. I'm thinking your best bet would be a good flogging. That would probably clear a lot up, or at least make me happy. So to conclude, please come by misinformer.com headquarters and receive, on us, a free pantsing and ass-flogging with your choice of our illustrious line of "Backwater Creek" electric idiot ass-flogging sticks. You can even keep the stick after we've corrected your ignorance. Put it above your bedroom door as a reminder to never try to form sentences in public again. That is all, thanks for your time, and your thought-crime, Gary Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 11:29:27 -0500 From: Rebecca Gallant Subject: misinformer.com banner My name is Becky and I'm the web mistress for a zine called Quantum Muse at http://www.quantummuse.com/ We found your very cool site via Cafe Press. We've taken the liberty of adding your banner to our links database. A return link isn't necessary, but we'd be honored if you felt like adding us. : ) Keep up the great work and we'll be back to visit soon! Your newest fans, Becky, Mike, Ray and Tim. *********************Quantum Muse******************** Posting the finest in sci-fi, fantasy and alternative writing and artwork. For free. In our sober moments... http://www.quantummuse.com/ Normally when we get shamelessly self-promotional emails like this, we just throw them away without so much as wasting the effort of writing back to say "bite me." But this one was somehow different, and we didn't want them to bite us at all. I suspect it had something to do with the repeated suggestions on their site that Quantum Muse is run by a bunch of people who spend all their time doing nothing but writing science fiction and binge drinking. Considering that this is exactly how I spent 1996-1999, I immediately felt a certain kinship to Becky and pals. (Like Mike, Ray, and Tim have any idea this email was sent. It's like when you get a card from your mom that says in one consistent style of handwriting "Happy Birthday from Mom, Dad, Amy, and Sir Meowsalot." I guarantee that damn cat has never once sincerely wished me a happy birthday...) Becky and the boys have a swell site here. Click their banner. Read some stories. While we're talking about free science fiction, allow me to plug our own royalty-free sex farce, Walkin' on Sunshine. If you've got a theatre company with four men, four women, and no budget, you'd be a total smeghead not to imbibe in some of our two-act, sci-fi, stage spirit. I also thought that this email would make a good "high note" on which to end this week's mailbag. I'd like to state for the record that we reply graciously to 98% of the emails we receive. Don't be afraid to write us. We're only big cocks to the 2% who seem to be begging us for public ridicule in this forum. You know who you are. -- Marcus All content © 1999-2007 misinformer.com.   Keep those calls and letters coming!