misinformer.com's Election 2000 Coverage Editorial: Coke or Pepsi 2000 Analysis: Bush: The Backwater Candidate November 8th, 2000 In the wake of the edge-of-your-seat Florida vote recount, we now go live to Orlando's favorite bunny fetishist... Coke or Pepsi 2000: A Special Election Report By Timb the Enchanter I didn't vote yesterday, 'cause that's for fags. Plus, even though I've moved twice since Seattle, I still have a Washington Drivers License. That notwithstanding, I would have done like Marcus and voted for the Green Party so that we could have free weed on Wednesdays. I would have been part of that Nader clusterfuck that pissed everybody off. But I'm not one of them gay homosexuals, no sir! I did what any self-respecting, football-watching, God-fearing, wife-beating, Protestant heterosexual man would have done yesterday. I dyed my hair PINK and played with makeup while listening to Depeche Mode! None of that queer voting for me, no sir! I dyed my hair pink last night in honor of whoever the fuck the new President is going to be. Let's hope that the Republicans open up those new laws about killing all queers and faggots, that way all the voters will die, and the only people left will be stoners who were too slack to go out and vote for Nader. If we can get them to go out and vote, just once, then its weed WEED WEED for EVERYBODY!! Lets face it, after an election like this, everybody RIGHTFULLY DESERVES and CERTAINLY NEEDS to get HIGH AS A KITE! I should know, and I'll tell you why: I am a graduate of the Electoral College. It's true. I went there before I went to art school. It was bad ass, dude. We threw some of the craziest parties there that you couldn't even begin to imagine. It's a pretty hip college. There was a kegger just about every night and all the chicks were really easy to score with if you could maintain the ever-present football player/rapist stigma. Girls love battery, it's true. Battery, beer, and bestiality, that was the ol' Electoral College credo! Those were some of the best days of my life, getting drunk, passing out, sodomizing football players, and casting my vote for the President. The Electoral College ain't rocket science, people. I would just find out who won the popular, and then I would cast my vote the same way! Rock! That is, unless I got a big fat wad of cash from somebody, in which case sometimes I could be persuaded. Hooray for the USA! Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed a crazy election day. As always, YOU win my popular vote! I'm Timb the Enchanter, and that's what I have to say about that. All content © 1999-2007 misinformer.com.   In 2004, vote Jesse "The Body" Ventura! Jesse Ventura, the first President with knowledge of the Figure-Four Leglock! He'll put congress in a Sleeperhold! Put The Body in Office!