Every year at about this time, in a kind of protest to the strict rules and corporate policy of the Tournament of Roses Parade, the streets of Old Town Pasadena become overrun with a mass of freaks, drag queens, and soapboxers known collectively as the Doo Dah Parade. Of course, wherever misfits gather, misinformer is there. This year we entered our world famous Cosmic Cardboard Cruiser into the spectacle, and we haven't had a good night's sleep since.
The Doo Dah Parade:
A Pictorial of Nightmare Fuel
By Marcus
Here she is in all of her glory. The all new 2001 misinformer.com Cosmic Cardboard Cruiser (Giant skanky weasel in Indiana Jones hat not included).
Much to the chagrin of the Burbank to Pasadena traffic, the Cruiser has a maximum highway speed of 25 miles per hour before experiencing massive cardboard hull breaches.
By the time that the ventilation-impaired Cruiser had choked her way to Pasadena she was, and I'm not kidding, literally pouring fuel out into the street. I have a feeling that my insurance policy doesn't cover my car bursting into flames on account of being wrapped in gasoline soaked butcher paper.
Luckily for us, our car did not burst into flames, but instead merely attracted Mexico's favorite one man band, Senior Groucho. Por qué un pato, Senior Groucho?
What started out as a fun time for all quickly turned into a day of abject terror when we met up with the one-legged, rollerskating clown. What kind of God would make something like this, I ask you? First you take a clown, which is scary enough, then you rip off one of his legs, slap some wheels on the remaining appendage, and then set him loose to cause a disquieting plunge in the stomach of everyone he meets. We had originally posted a picture of the clown's front, but our service provider threatened to shut us down if we did on account of it violates their "No Surreal Circus Nightmare Imagery" policy.
Conversely, there was really nothing scary at all about this slinky, unitarded spokeswoman for ferret rights, yet our provider demanded that we show her from the back as well. Go figure. Anyway, to all of you ferret lovers out there who are protesting to repeal the California law that forbids the baby-mauling rodents to be kept as domestic pets, here's a tip: If you want to be taken seriously, try to spread your message in a forum that's not dominated with drag queens and morons screwing up their cars to get attention. People might take you more seriously.
When approached for an interview, the reanimated corpse of Charlie Chaplin grumbled, "Must... eat... brains... but popcorn... pretty good..."
The drunken wino vote is in, and SPUNKY's crotch is now officially the the big hit of this year's parade.
After living so close to West Hollywood for so long, I've learned one simple truth: I may not know who's a man and who's a woman, but I know who's HOT! I'd like to bury my head in the Ostrich Ladies' sand, if you know what I mean. (I don't know what I mean.)
Throw in a cow, a Viking, and a caveman, and you've got a "Make your own Far Side cartoon" kit.
Our own Tortured Artist, SPUNKY as misinformer.com's super happy lucky paper bag robot. Pictured with him is superfan and art contest winner Robyn Kralik with her costume/throwing weapon.
Hello, little boy! Do YOU want to blow on Captain Beardo's magic Dingly-toot-toot?
Local celebrity, and world's most famous unknown actor Dennis Woodruff poses with one of his fleet of "drag queen cars." For those of you outside the greater Los Angeles area, Dennis Woodruff has become kind of a local celebrity through his failed quest to become a real celebrity. A smarter person could write a paper on the duality of his fame. All I have to say is that I bought his video, and it sucked.
Not being able to resist a brush with non-stardom, the misinformants asked Dennis Woodruff, patron saint of making your car look completely ridiculous, to autograph the Cosmic Cardboard Cruiser. It's kind of like how when you see the Batmobile on tour, it has George Barris' autograph on it, except for the fact that Woodruff had nothing to do with our car, and Barris is a talented artist.
His constant companion and smell mate, Woodruff's dog Tuffy actually has some real star potential... or at least the potential to make a really warm sweater.
Some people just turn into real drooling morons when they meet a not-famous person, but not me. I remain cool and suave under any circumstances.
