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February 12th, 2001
We recently caught up with Jazz, the Autobot Porsche of Transformers fame, at one of those bars that cater to aging hipsters. You know, the kind that drive fast cars but like light rock? He quietly sipped his Cappuchinitini and offered snappy comebacks to our probing questions that were only slightly rusty.
Contributed by Austin McKinley
Jazz: It was more of a miniseries, actually. A seven-parter that ran on A&E. Sort of our answer to Roots. I played an old, imperialistic Apartheid-bot whose peaceful way of life is threatened by an uprising of the evil Congo-cons.
mis: Wow, did you have any problems with that?
Jazz: Well, I was a little conflicted. I mean first of all, black heritage is a part of my namesake, so it was a little odd to be on the other side. The whole thing was very tongue-in-cheek though. It was directed by Starscream, and I think he did a pretty good job. He was always portrayed as kind of retarded on the show, but actually, he's a pretty clever dude. [The A&E Series] took a different view from the usual approach, and I enjoyed that, but I thought he graced over some of the issues. Anyway, it was a high-class production.
mis: On A&E?
Jazz: Yeah, and hardly a career killer at this point (laughing) but not one of my favorite projects.
mis: So what was your favorite project of all time?
Jazz: Oh, I don't know. There was the movie, but that went so fast, and I had a small role and didn't interact much with the rest of the old gang. So probably the first season of the old TV show- when we were all together.
mis: What was it like for you, to be on top of the world for those three years, known by name to every third and fourth grader on the planet, and then to be replaced by the newer, more plastic looking models? And that Beast Wars series?
mis: You said no one understood what you were trying to do. What did you mean by that?
Jazz: Well, the artistic side of it, you know? The part that's more than just entertainment. The nobler aspirations, I guess.
mis: Okay, I'll bite. What were those?
Jazz: Well, okay...Beast Wars, that's like, what, actual furry animals that turn into robots? There's something there, but it's just silly. They'll never be as big as the originals. There were so many little ironies, just beautiful idiosyncrasies that we were playing with. Like, for example, the guns and planes and tape players are evil and deceptive and trying to take over the world, right? But WHY are they deceptive? Because in actuality, there are a thousand times more cars on the planet, and they're, like, responsible for ALL the pollution. So who's, actually taking over the planet, baby? And either way, machines win and humans are out of control. See, people never got that stuff.
mis: ...I see. Well, there are rumors of a new series starring the original cast. What can you tell us about that?
Jazz: Well, all I'm allowed to say is that it's called Transformers: Life Force, and it chronicles an unknown chapter in Transformers history where we learn that the ancestors of the original series- the Algeabots, led by the heroic Optimus Primordial- were actually sent back in time from a distant future to protect the evolution of life on Earth from the evil Plankticons and their despotic leader Megamouth (a shark), who have come back in time from that same distant future to eliminate humans before they can even evolve. So it makes the whole existence of Transformers on earth a paradox. A Moebius Strip, if you will. It's a great script written by Wheeljack and Soundwave. I think they spent like a month in Kenya doing research. There's even supposed to be a cameo of our original series characters- because they're asleep in their crash-landed ship at this time- and also the Dinobots might show up.
mis: That sounds exciting. But there've been some problems involving the production?
Jazz: Yeah, Optimus doesn't want to do it.
mis: Why not?
Also, he and Bumblebee don't talk anymore, so they don't want to work together. This is why they had to get that new guy for Beast Wars. Optimus would still have a career if he wasn't such a redneck.
mis: What's the deal with Bumblebee?
Jazz: Oh, he's a real gay rights activist these days.
mis: That's new.
Jazz: Well, he always was a little flighty.
mis: All sorts of Mechanical metaphors come to mind. Hey this is great, though. Why don't you catch us up on some of the other guys, too? Like Brawn, he was always my favorite. What's he doing these days?
Jazz: Haven't you heard? He was killed during the filming of Transformers: The Movie back in '86.
mis: Oh my God.
Jazz: It was a freak accident. The stunt laser they were working with was unintentionally set on 'kill'. Everybody was really broken up about it. We all really liked him.
mis: He was always so plucky. Jeez, I didn't hear word one about that at the time.
Jazz: The producers kept it pretty quiet. They didn't want to bum out the kids.
mis: Yeah. Uh- dare I ask- Prowl?
Jazz: Heroin.
mis: Damn!
Jazz: Yeah, a lot of us did "H" back in the early nineties. Most of us got out of it, thankfully. But Prowl, he just... never rejoined reality. I think he took being written out of the post-movie series pretty hard.
mis: Jeez. Okay, uh, what about Spike?
Jazz: Oh, he's great. He's got a nice place out in L.A. and races dirt bikes. I think he wants to get into music, too.
mis: This is the child actor from the original series, of course.
mis: (laughing) I don't even want to picture those possibilities.
Jazz: Yeah, but the real Spike's doing well. Humans always get much bigger royalties than robots do.
mis: That's a shame.
Jazz: That's really the whole reason the show got started, you know. We were cheap talent, and we never forgot our lines.
mis: I hadn't considered that. Well, what about those guys from the movie, Hot Rod, and Kup?
Jazz: Man, those were humans in robot suits! Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy and Orson Wells. Same thing they do with Power Rangers.
mis: Huh. Well, I guess that's the wave of the future, right?
Jazz: What's an old timer like me to do, right?
This effectively ended our interview. Afterwards, Jazz refused to discuss any more details about his life as one of Generation X's most enduring icons. He just swirled what was left of his drink, ordered another round, and asked the band to play "What A Wonderful World".
Austin McKinley is the Commander In Chief of the notorious Red Feather Flying Car Company, and the author of such full-service fiction fabrications as "The First Stone", an online novel, "A.C.S.O: The Heartland" a daily online comic strip, and the highly regarded, if short-lived free press magazine, "Hub City".
His newest e-comic book, "Honeymoon In Vega and Other Stories" is now available at Unboundcomics.com.
All content © 1999-2007 misinformer.com. Do it with style or don't bother doing it.
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misinformer: So Jazz, you were recently part of a new Transformers series. What can you tell us about that?
Jazz: Well, at first it was a real kick, you know, seeing yourself on all those lunchboxes and folders and thinking, "that's me!" But it's a very fast-paced life, and nobody ever really appreciates what you're trying to do. There are dramatic highs and lows and personal tension in any creative endeavor. So at this point, I'm content to let someone else deal with that side of things.
Jazz: Well, he's sort of fallen in with a trucker crowd. You know, wearing a baseball cap with the confederate flag on it, getting drunk on Schlitz and shouting for someone to play "Free Bird". He doesn't like the way they treated his character in the script. Hasbro's been trying to work with him, but you know how that goes.
Jazz: Yeah, that guy that played adult Spike in the movie... nobody liked him. He was a real prima donna. I think he and Bumblebee still hang out (laughs).
