One dreary Monday last September, misinformer.com unveiled its World's First Online Karaoke Contest, and unwittingly opened up a Pandora's Box of long distance, telecommunal star searching the likes of which the world had never seen. The vocal challenge we expected to slip silently beneath the waves of forgotten cyberspace quickly became our most popular and server-crippling success ever. Six months later, we revisit that past glory as we announce...
KaraokePhone II:
The World's Second Online Karaoke Contest
Mediated by Marcus
We know you love Karaoke.
Where else in life can you have your moment in the spotlight without first proving that you have any discernable talent? What other venue lets you finally live out your dream of singing Sheena Easton songs outside of your shower? What other form of artistic self-expression not only allows you to be rip-snortin' drunk, but actually encourages it?
Karaoke. And only Karaoke.
We hope you've been practicing hard, because much to our surprise, word of our contest has spread far and wide, and we're expecting a whole lot of talented people to enter our little competition this time around.
Just like last time, entering our Karaoke contest is fast, easy, and totally free from any telephone! And just like last time, the three lounge lizards who receive the most votes from a poll of our readers take home any item they choose from misbegotten the misinformer.com store! There's a bunch of great new stuff in there, fresh from SPUNKY's drawing board. You know you want it, and you know you don't want to pay for it.
"Just for the sake of argument, let's say I'm new here." you say. "How does this KaraokePhoneTM that you speak of work, exactly?"
It's simple. All you have to do is call our toll-free number on your ordinary household telephone (Even rotary! We don't care!), and croon your achy breaky heart out. The KaraokePhone'sTM space age technology will then digitize your performance and send it via internet to misinformer headquarters, where we'll plunk it into the virtual jukebox below to be perused by our worldwide panel of judges.
Smelly
Feliz Navidad
Hans is apparently too good to sing with me. He's on the throne right now. The Mexicans here in Little Tijuana are hurling bottles at our door in protest of my voice and spanglish.
Jim Baker
Land of the Lost
Inspired by Chris' Bugaloos song, I dug deep in the well for this one. Remember a vote for me is a vote for Dopey, everybody's favorite baby dinosaur.
Vanessa "godam" Fox
Like a Prayer
Ah, pamie, only your website could inspire me to sing my heart out over the phone. Just be glad I didn't sing one of the "Popstars" audition songs.
It's fun to butcher Madonna songs!
Tango & Cash
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
We go together like Tunafish and Jelly, it's the beloved Tango & Cash for your consideration. Siskel gives us one thumb and a pinkie up!
Stud Lee
Love Of My Life
I am doing this purely as a joke and cause NONE of you, with the exception of one, know who I am, so this can't really bite me in the ass in the future. Ha! Well, vote for me as a goof I guess.
Meghan
Can't Fight the Moonlight (From Coyote Ugly)
Y'all, I can't believe that I'm doing this. This is probably the worst idea that I've ever had. No, I mean it.
Anyhow, the logic behind the song is that anything that conjurs up images of scantily clad chicks dancing on bars has to give me some kind of an edge, right? (Right?!)
DC Sports
That's When I'll Stop Loving You
Do any of you even know this song? Do any of you even know who sings this song? Have any of you even heard of 'N Sync? Do any of you even like 'N Sync? In any case, please vote for me and buy ONLY DC Sports. :o)
Prawnese Vindaloo (***** SPICY)
Theme from Muzak
We searched high and low
for clues on the title and artist
of this song, but alas, to no
avail. Even the local DJs were perplexed.
I know that YOU know what this song is.
Timb the Enchanter* The Heat is On The Power of Love Turtle Power
When you get to be misinformer's music correspondent, you can enter 200 times too.
Aw quit yer bellyachin', he can't win you know.
Chris Sonnenburg
The theme to "The Buggaloos"
I'd like to take this opportunity to take everyone back to a simpler time in all of our lives, a time when comedy was cheap and so was Martha Rae. Ladies and Judges I give you "The Buggaloos"!
Mallika
Fixing a Broken Heart
Ohmmy, this is for you. I know you'd want me to at least TRY (to embarrass myself). *^.^* It goes with the territory. This is my little time of stardom, and the whole world will hear!
Thinking at the back of my mind: Oh. My. Gawwwwd....
Meredith
Divorce Song
I sing this wonderful Liz Phair song at the top of my lungs on all my road trips; why not sing it here?
(oh yeah, because I suck--oh well!)
Olive Oyl
Cabaret
This really doesn't work unless you picture me in my best sparkly cocktail dress.
I can't believe I'm doing this. This is such a bad idea. Vote for me anyway.
NewKat Studios
FAME
Remember our name, dammit.
Pamie, you're going down this time. I gots my posse this time, rollin' on out from Burbank. Aaawww-ite. Jesus, this song is long...
Rasee
How Do I Live
Oh dear goddess, I am going to regret it. I can already sense I'm going to regret this. I'm going to make an international fool out of myself and when I run for some important post some time in the future someone will dig this recording up and that would be the end of that.
Omar G.
If You Don't Know Me By Now (Ike Turner Mix)
Alright Allison. Okay, Pamie. Yo, suckas. Here it be.
"If you don't know me by now..." well, why not? You should really get to know me.
Especially since we're so intimate -- what with my foot up the rears of my competitors.
Jessamyn
I Touch Myself
Believe it or not, I've been waiting to have the chance to sing this song into this here phone since last year's contest...let's not think too hard about what that says about me, ok?
Drama Princess
Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me
I SO cannot believe I am going to do this... Momma would be proud...
I think Celabacy has finally gotten the best of me.. Jesus..
Katrina Marie
Son Of A Preacher Man
I absolutely love this song and have always wanted to sing it live. This is as close as I've gotten! I just hope I do Dusty proud.
Mike Miller
Satan Killed the Jesuit
I wrote this song, because in college, a person gets bored. Making anti-Christal music helps one get over the stress of multivariable calculus.
Kathy Handley
Believe
"Hey Kathy, why don't we go out and do Karaoke tonight?"
"Karaoke? Man, that's lame. Do you know how drunk I'd have to be to get up in front of a bunch of strangers and sing, like, a Cher song?"
"C'mon, it'll be fun. It beats sitting in your house surfing the web on Saturday night."
"Yeah, whatever. Leave the web out of it, OK? I'm not doing Karaoke."
Mike P
You Shook Me (Led Zeppelin)
I usually sing parodies of songs; but after finding this site, I just HAD to sing soemthing real. BTW, i'm made this call via a cell phone:)
Melina Rizley
Take a Bow
I just came down with the flu, so I'll apologize off the back for bursting your eardrums (Not that I'm makin up excuses or anything)
Joanna Brooks What's Goin On
"Oh I hated the Colonel with his wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face! 'Oh you're gonna buy my chicken oooohh!!!"
-yeah dat's right, I'm gonna go KFC on your arse!
Gary Fixler*
Almost Like Being in Love
I just had to get my entry in before I got over this flu, which has given me a wonderful "Las Vegas lounge singer" voice.
I chose the song to honor our very own SPUNKY, who sings this song better than any of us ever will, and also because "The Brigadoon" is my favorite sexual position.
Marcus Alexander Hart* Oops!... I Did It Again
"Britney, before you go, there's something I want you to have."
"Oh, it's beautiful, but wait a minute, isn't this...?"
"Yeah. Yes it is."
"But where did you get a Karaoke version of it?"
"Well baby, I downloaded it from Napster."
"Oh, you shouldn't have..."
March 10th, 2001 - The Winners
There's only two things that I remember from that psychology class that I had to take at junior college.
One, that difficult news is always easier to take when it's coming from a familiar voice, and two, if you're trying to run a goddamn comedy web page, pander to your audience.
Luckily for me, the boys down at misinformer laboratories have been working on a Squishy Translator. Let's give it a whirl.
marcus Artificially Insquishynated
posted March 10, 2001 01:32 PM
Hello? Testing, testing...
one,
two,
three, yo.
*Sigh* You know what? Y'all make me sad, yo.
People, all day long yesterday, I was getting emails like this:
quote:Do you realize how many electronic voters people are
using in this contest? There's more stuffing going on
in this ballot box that in a junior high school girl's
locker room.
And like this, yo.
quote:I thought you might like to know that there is a high chance that a certain entrant is stuffing the ballot box. After some simple
experimentation I figured out that any browser that has javascript and cookies
disabled, can be used to "stuff" the ballot box at will, as many votes as you
like.
Given his aberantly high percentage, I would like to suggest reviewing the log
files, to see how many of his votes come from the same ip address.
Feh. Now that just ain't right, folks. I don't know what makes me sadder, that people were cheating, or that people were so intent on snitching them out, yo. Where's the love?
And what's with all this "check the ip address" stuff, people? Do we look like we're GATTACA or something? Did we make y'all take a blood test and give a stool sample when you entered? Nono. We are but simple folk with simple technology, not some super crazy CIA wannabes, yo.
Damn, people. We didn't expect this to happen. We thought we could trust our peeps to only vote once, yo. There was no Plan B.
We don't have secret log files and mug shots. Our science isn't that tight. All we know is that we had 412 unique visitors yesterday, and almost 9,000 votes. That's cheating like nobody's business, yo.
We know that most of you is good people, but what were we to do? Obviously punk ass bitches like Mike Miller, who continued to receive almost 200 votes after the poll had been taken offline, should be disqualified hard core.
That's Mike Miller. Chastise him now, friends.
Listen up. After counting the votes, we came to this reasoning: Even if every single damn person voted for you, you couldn't have more than 412 votes, yo. If you did, then you, or somebody else, stuffed the box in your good name.
After we done eliminated those folks from the party, we picked the winners "The Price is Right" style, awarding the three people who had the most support without going over the actual retail price of 412 votes. Sorry everybody. Some of you rocked like Bob.
If you do the math, at least a few of the people that were in the zone cheated, but we can't tell you which ones or how much. We're working with what we have, people. Here's the winners, yo. You best recognize.
First Place - Alex "The Kid" Porter
Second Place - Smelly
Third Place - NewKat Studios
We're sorry it had to end this way, yo. Y'all don't even know. You've put us in a funk that George Clinton would be proud of, folks, yo, damn.
This is why we can't have nice things. People, you've taken the sunshine out of our hearts. Why did it have to go down like that? We cry now.
Don't be going all Al Gore on us, yo. This is not up for discussion.
Hear that noise? That's the fat lady singing, people.
(edited to remove the name of the fat lady)
[This message has been edited by marcus (edited March 10, 2001).]
IP: Logged
Final Standings
Here's the whole sad state of affairs when we pulled the plug on this fiasco.
Friends of the Chinese Mafia
Mike Miller
1569
Kimberly
1459
Katrina Marie
1323
Allison
1098
Fred
1020
Pamie
786
Realm of Plausible Deniability
Alex "The Kid" Porter
128
Smelly
114
NewKat Studios
107
Omar G.
103
Jessamyn
82
Illiana
68
Drama Princess
51
Woohoo
33
Olive Oyl
20
GinnyGoblin
16
Wellsie (Krystyn)
13
Becky Barker
11
Kathy Handley
11
T Tommy
11
Vanessa "godam" Fox
11
The Soulminers' Daughters
10
Leigha
9
Chris Sonnenburg
8
Carrie
7
Meeshymeg
7
Meghan
7
Amber
6
Drew
4
Jim Baker
4
Meridith
4
Nick Tucker
4
Prawnese Vindaloo
4
Tyra
4
Weepgirl
4
Mike P
3
Cinnamon
2
Joanna Brooks
2
Lisa Nichols
2
DEE ZNUTZ
1
Jennifer Peepas
1
Meg
1
Melina Rizley
1
Michael Tabarovsky
1
Rasee
1
Shannon
1
Tango & Cash
1
Weetabix
1
So damned honest, they didn't even vote for themselves
posted March 10, 2001 01:32 PM
