Our office is a dump. I swear, none of the people who work here have ever thrown anything away in their lives. A quick glance around the room I'm in right now reveals decorations still hanging from the Christmas party, a Full House board game, three destroyed Dance Dance Revolution mats, a stolen shopping cart full of empty cans, a lunchbox full of broken Hot Wheels cars, and the corpses of Homer and Langley Collyer. This Tuesday is the official start of Spring, and after we dust off our Ernest P. Worrel voices long enough to do our tired old "Vernal Equinox" jokes, we're gonna be getting rid of a bunch of this crap in the only way we know how. We're gonna sell it all on eBay.
Marcus' Autographed Titanic Screenplay
One time back in '98, I was at the Shell buying some Goldschlager and Laffy Taffy, and the guy outside the Shell apprehended me and gave me this autographed screenplay for the movie Titanic. He told me that this "weird Shakespeare dude with a squinchy face" gave it to him.
Now, at the time Titanic was still the big thing that all the teenage girls were in to, and I figured that a little souvenir from the set that Leo and Kate had run a sharpie across could probably fund our operation for about the next decade.
Unfortunately, upon further investigation, I realized this "autographed" screenplay had been signed by "Kate Winstel" and "Leonard DiCaprio." I don't know who the hell these people are, but they don't exactly break the bank at Sotheby's.
Timb's Snickers Bar
this is the auction i put up for an extra snickers bar that i have kicking
around. due to some bad timing, i could only get pictures of the first one.
i know that there's enough interest in chocolate nowadays that it's safe to
say that i'll probably make back the money i spent. i mean, i can't just
throw it out.
Trixie's Old Haircut
This is my grodie old haircut from high school. Back in the day it was totally right on, but today it's like grandma yesterday, five minutes ago.
Plus, like, these things don't age gracefully, right? Any semblance this used to have to actual hair is fully shot to hell in a handbasket. This thing has roughly the consistency of, like dried straw, and it makes your head totally feel like your ass after a Halloween hay ride.
Caster's Antique Computer Manuals
I've been holding on to these for way too long. I mean, what good is a manual for Photoshop 3? You may as well have the instructions to a Civil War Blakely Cannon, or a fondue pot.
If you're interested in a book on Illustrator 5, you don't need reference material, you need to find Doc Brown and get back, Marty.
Maybe somebody will buy these to use as props in Fox's "That 1995 Show."
