April 9th, 2001 Hi misinformrs! I luuuuv you guys site. Yoo rock SO hard (LOL! hard!!!) So were could you guys even come up with sucha great name? Tell me! totaly misinformd, GrEg Despite bad grammar, and a general inability to spell with any consistency past a basic 3rd grade level, GrEg brings up an interesting topic, and one I've been waiting to comment on. Of course, the more intelligent reader will realize that as a comedy site, our name fits us perfectly and has the added benefit of getting us out of many lawsuits through a legal loophole we like to call "we warned you." However, these same smart readers are missing out on a vast body of knowledge stretching back for centuries... The history of misinformer, part I By Gary It's a little known fact that the misinformants were originally criminals. Not now, of course (we were acquitted for lack of proof). No, the crimes I speak of originate way back during the reign of king Minos (c. 2600 to 1100 BC - and yes GrEg, we know that looks backwards. The years go the other way when it's BC), where our ancestors were entertainers of the aforementioned king. I'll quote you a little piece from Encyclopedia.com (who didn't bother to know when the Minoan civilization even existed), and I'll attempt to fill in the blanks wherever information found in the documents from the original misinformants will help to clarify things. Encyclopedia.com's words are in bold, dark blue (html color #1E2A63), and my own rubric descriptions shall be written in the classic color of rubric descriptions, red ochre (#CC4444). This is also similar to the color of dried blood, symbolizing the pain our comedy loving forefathers endured while documenting their lives under the oppressive fist of a tyrannical ruler. Minos Pronounced As: minos, -ns, It really says that. And while we're clearing things up, misinformer is Pronounced As: misinformer, -ns. It's important to enunciate. Ivana demonstrates (see photo). in Greek mythology, king of Crete, son of Zeus and Europa. Don't be fooled by your own research which may say his father was named Jupiter. Jupiter is Zeus. He went by many names. To the ladies of the bath he was known as Big Daddy, and to the misinformants who of course were employs of his son, he was Papa Bear. In general, when he wasn't inciting plagues, sleeping with your wife, or inciting plagues within your wife for not sleeping with him and subsequently killing you with those damn lightning bolts, he was a really sweet guy. He was the husband of Pasiphaë, Her name is where we get the term "pacifist." She was the very first woman ever to say "I don't want to start any trouble." In fact, one of the founding members of "misinformer comicus" (our original name before the god Eniaculus created computers), who was named Hydrogen, was summarily electrocuted by Minos' father, Zeus after Zeus overheard him telling Pasiphaë - "You need to stand UP to him honey! He is NOT the boss of YOU." Androgeus, and his, "partner" playing "gladiators" who bore him Androgeus, ...who may as well have been named "Hermaphroditilus," or "Boygeorgicus" for what it's worth. Androgeus, Pronounced As: Androgeus, -ns, is the star of the ideals that give us the present day word "androgynous," and also "flaming homosexual." If you like Saturday Night Live's "Pat" skit, then you have Androgeus to thank. Several of the original misinformants were summarily destroyed by lightning when during one of their humorous stage performances for a large gathering of the nobility, they playfully teased king Minos' in front of everyone about his cross-dressing son. Glaucus, Ariadne, and Phaedra. Because Minos failed to sacrifice a beautiful white bull to Poseidon, the god caused Pasiphaë to conceive a lustful passion for the animal, Just one of hundreds of erotic "stable frescos" that Minos tried to have destroyed Not really. That's the way it's been told, naturally, but according to the misinformer annals, "Pasi" was already pretty into her livestock, if you get my meaning... Minos was always walking in on her in compromising situations in their stable, and then going out to drink himself into forgetting what he'd seen. by whom she bore the Minotaur, a monster with the head of a bull and the body of a man. The craftsman Daedalus constructed the labyrinth in which the monster was confined. When King Aegeus of Athens killed Androgeus, Minos vengefully forced Athens to pay him an annual tribute of seven youths and seven maidens. ...and over the years this annual punishment was transformed into the painful stageplay and eventual silver screen version of mythic torture, "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." If you haven't seen it, "bless your beautiful hide." These he shut up inside the labyrinth, Not really, nothing shuts up 7 brides when they get together