September 10th, 2001 Okay, this week's comedy is about as fresh as a Dutch Oven. We know that we are at least the third set of feet to trod this path more taken. We don't care. We don't consider it stealing material so much as "recycling comedy." Recycling is good for the planet, and for everybody. Recycled Comedy: The List of Five Compiled by Marcus As some of you remember from the ill fated Britney and Christina question that I posed to the misinformants not long ago, working with my crack staff of reporters is usually something akin to teaching a wide mouth bass how to skeet shoot. This week's exercise was no exception. I stumbled upon the concept of the "List of Five" last week at retrocrush.com. Apparently it's an idea that dates back generations to some television show called Friends. It must be pretty obscure because I've never heard of it. Anyway, when I read about "The List," I thought it would be a really fun assignment for the team. A nice, easy going, brainstorming type of exercise to keep the staff sharp and to let them explore their inner selves a little. A chance to open up their hearts and learn something about themselves, and each other. It turns out they're all freaks! I mean, it was such a simple litt... and they all managed to fuc... I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Come and join us where this all began. I remember it as if it was last week's online staff meeting.   marcus: Hi everybody! Thanks for logging in on time. I've got a fun exercise for you to chew on this week. << User gary-lou-who has logged in >> marcus: Look everybody, it's Gary! Punctual as always. gary-lou-who: Oh man, I think the clock is slow. I don't feel tardy. TrixieRox: Re-tardy perhaps. timbunny: word. SPUNKY: Hey, legend has it that there's some kind of "staff meeting" going on now. Can somebody say something relevant? gary-lou-who: Something relevant. rcaster1138: Something relevant. MelindaAnnRoundabout: Something... oh, he he! :) marcus: ... yet you all wonder why I drink. Okay gang, listen up. I just heard about an exciting concept called the "List of Five." rcaster1138: Is that like Letterman's Top Ten list? Wow, that's a new level of innovative hilarity right there. marcus: No, shut up! Listen, it goes like this. You and your significant other each make a "List of Five" celebrities with whom you would most like to do the nasty. The five people on each of your lists then become open game for perfectly acceptable extra-relationshipial flings. It's fun and fair, because you've each made a list, so you each have an equal shot at actually knocking some famous boots without getting in trouble for it. gary-lou-who: You do realize that the vast majority of us are single, right? marcus: Well, yeah, sure. But, I mean, you could just make a list anyway... for fun. rcaster1138: And we can put anybody on it? marcus: Not anybody, just celebrities. It brings the whole thing into the realm of fun improbability. You know, to make this more of a "Honey, it would be fun to do Gwyneth Paltrow" thing not a "Your honor, it wasn't cheating, because the Hot Dog on a Stick girl was on my list" thing. MelindaAnnRoundabout: Marcus! I'm so ashamed of you! You have such a nice and pretty girlfriend! You're disgusting, and ... and MEAN! I can't believe you want to cheat on her! I am not going to participate in this whole disgusting thing! Grow up! >:P << User MelindaAnnRoundabout has logged out >> TrixieRox: Hey, didn't they like, totally do this on Friends once? marcus: Actually yes, but... SPUNKY: Oh Marcus. To what depths will you sink? What are we doing next week? Coming up with hilarious new ways for Gilligan to keep the castaways from being rescued from the island? Making up crazy new smurf names? Staging our own wacky Survivor parody (again)? Don't bother me. << User SPUNKY has logged out >> marcus: Jeez! I just thought... It seemed like a fun thing to do... Okay, forget it! DON'T make a List of Five. I'm just going to go crying home to my girlfriend, if she even still LOVES me anymore. You guys are all just jealous because I have a girlfriend with whom to have outsidular celebrity sex and you don't! timbunny: actually, I do have a girlfriend. marcus: Fine! You can all just have sex with whatever random strangers you want. See if I CARE! rcaster1138: Any strangers, or just celebrity strangers? << User marcus has logged out >>   Much to my surprise, my infuriated tantrum actually gathered a few submissions from the misinformants, almost certainly out of pity. It is with great pride and trepidation that I present... misinformer.com's Lists of Five 1. Marcus 2. Trixie 3. Timb and Dawn 4. Caster 5. Gary All content © 1999-2007 misinformer.com.   Next week we're doing sniglets!