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As the commercial used to say: "Battle Beasts! They grow into an army!"

Well, in reality, it was more like "Battle Beasts! Your mom buys you four packs of two, and that's it!"

These toys are really cool, despite the fact that they take the simple and time honored game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and make it complicated and ridiculous.

Each of these Wild-Kingdom-meets-Gwar characters has a heat sensitive sticker on his chest (or in the case of Elephant Man, his crotch). When you put your thumb over it, it reveals a symbol, either water, fire, or wood.

The way I remember it, you and your friend were supposed to pick one beast each, and then rub their symbols to see who wins the fight (Water beats fire beats wood beats water.)

While this was all fine and good, and was only slightly less fun than "Rock, Paper, Scissors," you could only play approximately one time unless your friends were exceptionally dumb.

Just because you can't see his symbol doesn't mean that you can't remember that Terror Giraffe is a fire Pokemon. It's just stupid.

Still, if you play with them the way normal kids did (smashing them together until one broke), they were awesome toys.