Why it's good to date Colonel Kira More mental retardation from Marcus Alexander Hart As inspired by Timb the Enchanter's Why it's good to date Liv Tyler and Why it's still good to date Liv Tyler. Love theme from Deep Space Nine.

When I first read Timb's epic statement on why it is, in fact, good to date Liv Tyler, I felt that the world needed more of this kind of hard-hitting expose style writing on the subject of why it is good to date people that they will never actually meet. But who could be better to date than Liv Tyler? Nobody, I had thought... until now.

I was working diligently on my PC, but somehow found myself unable to type anything but an incoherent string of characters. It was as if there was some kind of subconscious force emanating from the bridge of my nose that was controlling my fingertips. When I stood back for a moment, the message from the Prophets of Bajor became clear. Somebody needed to tell the world why it was good to date the newly promoted Colonel Kira Nerys, and I was just the sexually repressed DS9er with too much time on his hands to do it! (Click here to see for yourself.)

Okay, so the first reason that it's good to date Kira is because she's an extra-terrestrial! How cool is that? You can go up to your friends and be like, "Hey fellas, my girlfriend is an alien and she's cuter than your girlfriend who is supposedly from Earth." The crucial difference between a hot Bajoran chick and a hot Earth chick is the subtle, sexy ridges on the bridge of the nose. That's it. They have billions of years of evolution on us and the only way to identify them is by the Ruffles potato chip between their eyes. No one can eat just one, if you know what I mean.

And if you find yourself on the right end of an ion storm some day, you might even be lucky enough to be dating Colonel Kira and her evil mirror universe doppelganger! You could all engage in the age old Bajoran tradition of a three way game of "orbit the wormhole." If you're really lucky, Ensign Ro may show up too, and you can form a whole bowling team.

Perhaps the reason why it is best to date Colonel Kira is because it would keep her from ever doing this again with Constable Odo. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Eewwwwie eewwwwie eeeewww ewwww!" Sure it might be fun to date a shapeshifter for a little while, what with him coming into the bedroom late at night a foot shorter but with a schlong the size of a watermelon, but after a while I'm sure that a demanding woman like Kira expects something more from a man. Like eyelids.

Another thing that would be good about dating Colonel Kira is her name. It is the Bajoran custom to go by your family name first and your given name second, so if I married her, I would become Kira Marcus Alexander. It's no Timb the Enchanter Tyler, but it's still not too shabby.

It would also be good to date Colonel Kira, because the actress that she plays when she's not on Deep Space Nine is married to the guy who plays Dr. Julian Bashir. I'm nowhere near as cool as this guy, but if I was dating Colonel Kira, I would probably get to hang out with him a lot, on account of they are married.

I know that all of this knowledge is superficial without practice. That's why I think my theories are best handled in the context of reality. That's right. I think it'd be a good idea to actually date Colonel Kira, you know, for sake of science.

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