By Marcus Alexander Hart Congratulations movie fan! You've stumbled upon the home of the web's most wholly unenlightening movie reviews! Unlike those other movie critics who are overly concerned about their credibility and personal image (like that Gene Shalit guy), I promise to never, ever like a movie just because it would be career suicide not to. I don't care if everyone's having themed graduation announcements made up because the movie was so popular... if I didn't like the movie I will not sugar coat my review and you won't change my mind. I don't care how many graduation announcements you ordered from http://www.mixbook.com/cards/graduation-announcements, my opinion is my own and you won't alter it. I didn't even see Eyes Wide Shut, and if I did, I probably wouldn't have liked it anyway. Put that in your dead pipe and smoke it, Kubrick. I didn't even see Eyes Wide Shut, and if I did, I probably wouldn't have liked it anyway. Put that in your dead pipe and smoke it, Kubrick. I don't offer these reviews as a yardstick to decide which films to see and which films to pass. I've got lousy taste in movies, and listening to me will just get you ostracized from your friends and left at the theater for dead. Anyone who tells you that it's impossible for somebody's opinion to be wrong obviously hasn't read my review of Blade. Instead, this forum exists entirely for me to issue public health warnings over movies like The Cat in the Hat, or to spread the word about great little indie films that you might have missed like The Matrix. All films are rated on a five chainsaw system in honor of Sam Raimi's Army of Darkness, the top of my Top/Bottom Ten Films of All Time. Spoilers! All spoilers are carefully segregated into a well marked off quarantine area, in an effort to keep from giving away any important plot details before you get a chance to see the movie. (The chick in The Crying Game is a man, and Darth Vader is Luke's father.) Enjoy, and I won't see you at the movies! The Reviews All films in the misreviews archive are listed alphabetically by official title. Thus The Haunting would be listed under the letter "T" for "the," not "H" for "haunting," or "S" for "sucked." If the whole alphabet thing confuses you, you can just use this keen search box to find what you're looking for. Search misinformer.com If you've read all of this nonsense, but still want more, visit the movie page on marcus132's LiveJournal. misreviews greatest hits: Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas The Cat in the Hat The Master of Disguise The Matrix The Time Machine X-Men Complete list of reviews: 102 Dalmatians 54 A Midsummer Night's Dream A Simple Plan American Psycho Antz Armageddon Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me Battlefield Earth (Guest Review by Gary) Bedazzled Blade Can't Hardly Wait Charlie's Angels Chicken Run Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Dogma Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas Duets Extreme Ops (Guest Review by Gary) Fantasia 2000 Galaxy Quest Gladiator Gone in 60 Seconds Halloween: H20 (plus mini-reviews of 1-6) High Fidelity Jason X John Carpenter's Vampires Josie and the Pussycats Jurassic Park III Magnolia Man on the Moon Monkeybone Nurse Betty Planet of the Apes Pokemon: The First Movie Rat Race Rushmore Scooby Doo Scream 3 Shakespeare in Love South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut Spy Kids Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace Texas Blood Money: From Dusk Till Dawn II The Cat in the Hat The Cell The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas The Green Mile The Haunting The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers The Master of Disguise The Matrix The Mummy The Mummy Returns The Others The Road to El Dorado The Scorpion King (Guest Review by the Truthbringer) The Time Machine Titan A.E. Toy Story 2 Unbreakable Urban Legend Whatever it Takes Wild Wild West Wing Commander Wrongfully Accused X-Men xXx (Guest Review by Timb) All content © 1999-2007 misinformer.com.   We know what you did last summer.