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Dateline: June 16, 1998

Can't Hardly Wait was the very first movie that I ever reviewed online, and as such, I proudly present this review in its original, nearly unreadable format.

Can't Hardly Wait
Starring
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Ethan Embry


Rating: Chainsaw Chainsaw Chainsaw Chainsaw Chainsaw
(Of a possible five chainsaws.)

Where to see it: At your local first-run theater, right now!

Review: In the long standing tradition of Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, comes another high school movie that kicks ass!

If you ever had a puppy-love crush or went to high school, you won't want to miss this movie. Every typical stereotype of the high school food chain is represented, and all in a very self-parodying way that still manages to have believable teenage characters.

When it does sacrifice its reality, it is for situations and characters that are so overblown and over-the-top that it makes it all worth it (The geeks on the roof, the delivery of "the letter", etc.).

As a bonus, we get to see another top rate performance from the kid who played Scott Evil in Austin Powers. Keep an eye on this guy, he's going to be the next Anthony Michael Hall. Mark my words.

This movie so effectively created the atmosphere of a high school party that I was starting to get those same kind of awkward anxiety feelings that I would actually get when I was in these kinds of situations.

And I would be remiss not to mention Jennifer Love "Party of Five in my pants and you're invited" Hewitt. Rrrrrooww-rrroooow! Woo-woo! For everybody who experienced the horror of I Know What You Did Last Summer (by "the horror", of course I mean struggling through a movie that awful) just to swoon over Ms. Hewitt, this movie will dazzle you with beauty and also satiate you with likeable characters and an interesting plot.

It kicks ass. Go see it. Then rent Sixteen Candles to cool off.


Good times. As you can see, I got better as I went along.


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