A very wise man once said that three hundred movies were based on the works and life of William Shakespeare.

Okay, so it wasn't a man, it was one of those movie trivia slides that they show before the previews start.

Okay, so it wasn't particularly wise either. Hell, I don't even believe that it's factual. I can just picture the scene that bred this slide...

AMC HEADQUARTERS - 3RD SUB-BASEMENT - 4:58 P.M. FRIDAY AFTERNOON

ERNIE - (Slamming shut a dusty old Leonard Maltin book.) The answer is C. Humphrey Bogart was the star of Casablanca.

GUS - Good one, Ernie! Now let's get the hell out of here. Oooh, that first beer's going to go down like water.

ERNIE - Not so fast, Gus. We need to do one more slide before we call it quits.

GUS - (Looking with longing eyes at the clock, now reading 4:59 P.M.) Oh, man.

ERNIE - Come on, crack open the Maltin book, there's got to be something in there about Humphrey Bogart that we haven't used yet.

GUS - (Anxiously clicking his pen.) How about this, the works of Shakespeare have... spawned over a... dozen movies.

ERNIE - It has to be more than that, man.

GUS - Come on, I said over, that includes everything twelve and up.

ERNIE - How about this, "The works of Shakespeare have spawned over three hundred movies!"

GUS - Really? That many?

ERNIE - Sure, why not?

GUS - (Scribbling on a legal pad and throwing the page into the OUT box.) You da man, Ernie! See you Monday!

ERNIE - I'm all over it.

But I digress. Boy howdy, how I digress...

Yes, at the risk of losing all popularity with the Motion Picture Society of America, Shakespeare lovers everywhere, and all of the ladies, I have to award Shakespeare in Love with only three mutant-slashing chainsaws.

All things considered, it was beautifully directed by John Madden, considering that the most artistic thing that we've seen from him thus far are some Ace Hardware commercials. You can just imagine how he directs. Scribbling on the video monitor with an electric pen. "Okay, Fiennes, you go long, and then Gwyn, we go in close on you for an emotional tear drop that runs from the 'x' all the way down your cheek to..."

Wait, this John Madden isn't same guy? I mean... yeah, I knew that. I was just... right.

I like to think that I am relatively well versed in Shakespeare. Certainly I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm a scholar of the Bard, but I can usually pick out which lines are from which plays, and if you're ever my partner in a game of Taboo, you had better have at least leafed through the First Folio if you intend to win.

This being said, I really liked the angle of the frustrated Shakespeare drawing his influences from his environment. So many times and at so many different levels, lines and situations from Shakespeare plays spring up, but almost never is any attention drawn to them. You gotta be smart to get it, and that's always nice. In fact, much like in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, most of the movie's comedy and substance lies in its subtext.

The conclusion I have drawn, like it or not, is that if you haven't seen Shakespeare in Love, you might want to just go out and rent Kenneth Branagh's A Midwinter's Tale (aka, In the Bleak Midwinter) instead. It has the same style of story and comedy, but it is in my opinion, much more powerful, comedic, and well put together.

Who are you going to go to for Shakespeare? A dumpy old sportscaster or Kenneth Branagh?

Right, right, different guy, same name, right, sorry...