Plain and simple, Toy Story 2 rocked my world. It was my most eagerly awaited film of the fall season and it did not disappoint. Those Pixar folks really know their shit.

I was fortunate enough to see this movie in Hi-Tech Fancy Schmancy^TM Digital Projection courtesy of Texas Instruments ("We're not just big calculators for the geeks in your algebra class anymore!"). If you have a digital theater within fifty miles of your home, I highly recommend going through any inconvenience necessary to see this movie in pixels rather than on film.

In the words of Mia Wallace, "I say God damn!" Reality isn't this clear. I swear this was the clearest moving picture I've ever seen, including those seen on expensive computer monitors, TVs, and in nature with my own two eyes.

Wow.

But you didn't come here to listen to me talk about the more "technical" parts of the show, like the "projection" and the "shit," you came here to hear about the trailers.

WARNING: Those who go to see Toy Story 2 will be forced to sit through a preview for Disney's CG computer dinosaur epic entitled, and let us not forget that Walt Disney invented creativity and imagination, Dinosaur.

A movie about CG dinosaurs? That's so 1994. Live in the now! And when you consider that this film has actually been in production since CG dinosaurs were popular, the piss poor quality of the whole thing is inexcusable.

Anyway, Toy Story 2 picks up the next summer following the conclusion of the first movie. The man cub Andy is about to go to "cowboy camp" (which may have been hip in the 1950s, but sounds like a playground for perverts and leather fetishists today), and he is forced to leave his favorite pal Woody behind when the stitches in his flappy old arm bust open.

Not ten seconds after returning to the house after dropping Andy off at camp, his Mom decides to have a garage sale and get rid of all his toys.

That BITCH!

When I was Andy's age, I had a toy that was like my own personal Woody. (Oh grow up. Oh wait... I get it... He he he... he he... heee!) But mine wasn't a withered up old cowboy, no sir, mine was a super action Inspector Gadget with Go Go Gadget arms and legs. He even had a helicopter that attached to his hat, and a little mechanical arm (pinky extended in martini holding grace) that held a big ol' barrel-shaped cartoon mallet. He was a cool toy.

But then the second that I turn my back, my own mom goes and sells him in a garage sale. The day that I returned home from cowboy camp and realized that the Inspector was gone, that was the day that my childhood ended.

Wait, no that's not right. My "cowpoke counselor" ended my childhood two days before... but that's an entirely different story.

Fifteen years later I managed to score a new Inspector from eBay, but it's just not the same. He's in "display condition" now, which essentially means, "If you touch him in any way, you had better be prepared to spend a couple of hours with a jeweler's screwdriver and a soldering iron putting his Go Go Gadget neck back together."

And that brings me to my point. (Surprised?)

Toy Story 2 is this same sad story, but told from the Inspector's... er... Woody's point of view. Al (of Al's Toy Barn fame from the first film) swipes Woody with the intention of ruining Andy's life and forcing him to wait more than a decade for a live action movie version of the cartoon show that his favorite toy was based on to cause a resurgence in popularity and...

Wait, that was me again.

Maybe I should talk about something else.

Technically, Pixar once again blows my mind. I remember that when the first Toy Story came out I just about peed myself dry over the breathtaking tactility of the whole imaginary world. That movie now looks shallow and pale in comparison to the new one. The technology has just made such leaps and bounds since then that it's like the difference between a coloring book that has been colored by an average kid and a coloring book that has been colored by a really talented autistic kid.

And in case you're wondering, the human characters look better, but for the most part, they still suck.

The only human characters who really looked good were Al and the doll cleaner. And Al looked so good that it was really really creepy sometimes. There was one scene where I could swear that he was a real fat guy. He was that good.

Andy and his mom, however, still make me think "Thunderbirds are GO!"

And speaking of things that are a go, Barbie makes her debut in the Toy Story realm this time around. Trivia buffs will note that the producers originally wanted Barbie to be the Bo Peep character in the first movie, but Mattel was unwilling to let their plastic princess out of their iron fisted control. What happened, Mattel? Did you see Mr. Potato Head sales increase by nine billion percent after his starring role and decide that you wanted a piece of that pie?

Ah crap, I'm not talking about the movie again.

Oh forget it. Just see this movie. See it twice. I know I'm going to, and next time, I'm bringing Inspector Gadget with me.